I’d been working a lot of weekends and when Max asked me to book one off so he could get together with the lads, I jumped at the chance to have some quality mummy-daughter time with my girlies. I had the idea to take them away somewhere to make a real treat of it and one of my lovely friends, very kindly offered me the use of her really very posh and better furnished than my house, caravan on a lovely seaside in Yorkshire….
In the lead up to the trip away, the only thing that curbed my excitement was the prospect of driving on the dreaded motorway (I am not an adventurous driver and stick very much to my comfort zones!), so having tried desperately to convince Max it would somehow be in his favour to drive the 4hr round trip to take us there, (I mean, why wouldn’t you?!) , I looked into the prospect of travelling by train! On enquiry, it was actually seemingly very straight forward! It was a mere 2 hour journey, with one change, for not an awful lot of money! I was now totally excited about this journey that myself and my girls were embarking on! It would be an adventure and they would love the thrill of train travel nearly as much as the actual holiday! So with images of a lovely picnic tea adorning our cosy table for 4, followed by quality time colouring and playing eye-spy and then a quick change for the last stretch of the journey, allowing just enough time for me to consume my perfectly chilled can of gordons and tonic, we would arrive and happily stroll down the road to the caravan site, drop off our bags and head out to explore and get supplies of wine and breakfast….
Phase one!
The reality could not have been more different. We arrived at the train station to catch our first train, a good 20 mins early as it was a sunny friday afternoon and I wanted to ensure we’d be first onboard to claim our lovely and spacious table for 4 that I had for some reason been unable to reserve. When the train (and by train I mean overgrown bus) crawled and rattled its way up to the platform, my heart sank as I could tell this wasn’t going to be quite what I had in mind! We climbed on board and I instantly realised that there wasn’t a table, let alone a table for 4, in sight! Hey ho, I said to the girls, we can grab this cosy looking booth right here! And cosy it was! With our suitcases and 3 childrens rucksacks stuffed with picnics and ALL the activities one packs for a train ride shoved in the miniscule space between and under our legs. So squished in like the proverbial sardine, we began our journey! Obviously as with all children, the girls consumed the entire contents of their picnics and drinks before we’d approached the next station. Approximately 20 mins into the journey, the train stopped. Its ok, I reassured the cherubs, it’s probably just a signal change or something. 20 mins later, we still hadn’t moved and the sun was streaming directly in on us, and the overcrowded carriage was beginning to get a bit restless. At this point the conductor, evidently bracing himself for the abuse that was about to ensue, pushed his way through the carriage announcing that the train would be terminating at the next station as some little f*****s had taken it upon themselves to steal some of the signal posts. He of course assured us all that on exiting said train, we would be greeted by helpful train staff to assist us in progressing on our journey. The girls looked at me in sheer panic and as the responsible adult, I brightly assured them that all would be just fine, and reminded them what an exciting adventure this all was!
Phase two!!
At the station, we departed the train that instantly pulled off back in the direction we came, and quickly realised that the station was tiny and unstaffed and there wasn’t a single, solitary person there to assist us. Trying not to show the girls that I was in anyway stressed or panicked, and after a couple of frantic phone calls to the trainline and Max I calmly ushered them on to the next bus that appeared and asked them to please drop us off somewhere near the train station in the next town. By this time it was 6pm and we’d set off at 4. The girls were inevitably hungry again and thirsty tho’ with all drinks consumed! On the bus, (pit of despair), a ‘lovely’ chatty lady decided this was the perfect time to befriend us and started imparting on to me ALL the details of her sisters impending child birth and inform me of ALL the deals that Aldi currently had on nappies and baby clothes, while a teary Bella literally did look like she was about to expire in the heat and even the older two were beginning to flag. I was rapidly losing the will by this stage! After the 40 minute bus journey of surreal hell, we were dropped off at a station where they assured us if we caught the next train, due in 5 mins, we’d get to Hull where there would be another train to our final destination! I near on whooped for joy, at least until we reached the platform and realised EVERYONE else from this side of England were on the platform waiting for this train. The girls by now, although thankfully behaving a lot better than I would have been, were becoming thirsty again as it was so hot. Scrabbling about in my purse, I of course had no cash or change to speak of and was starting to panic even more, that they were now getting considerably dehydrated, luckily, a really kind woman happened to be witnessing my situation and came forward with some change, which in no other situation would I ever have dreamt of accepting but wearily conceded that I really did have few other options! I think I may have even shed an actual tear with gratitude, and sent Esme to get the last two remaining cans from the vending machine.
Phase 3!!
When the damn train finally ( 25 mins late) arrived, we all crammed on and a couple of really nice ladies who had taken pity on me on the platform, relinquished their seat for my 3 girls to squish on to while I half stood, half laid across all our bags in the tiny gap that there was behind them. Then at this perfect juncture 2 things happened, Bella needed a wee (obvs!) and Lucy dropped her sodding kindle that proceeded to slide down the floor of the sodding train. So, entrusting Bella to Esme and some random strangers, I sent her down the train to try and locate a toilet whilst I crawled through a sea of legs to find the damned kindle and return it to Lucy. By this point I was laughing deliriously at my situation, whilst quietly wandering why the hell I had ever, ever thought this was a good idea, my fellow passengers I think sensing how close I was to a meltdown, dutifully tried to chivvy me along and make small talk with me throughout the journey, I must’ve looked pretty unhinged as one guy even offered me his half eaten Mcdonalds and a fiver!
PHASE 4!!!!
On arriving in Hull at 21 minutes past 9 sodding pm, the whole entire station was in complete darkness. Having resigned myself at this stage to the fact that I would be just booking on to the nearest hotel with a bar and drinking ALL the gin, I approached a hapless looking security guard and told him my tale of woe. Taking pity on me and my now extremely bedraggled looking children, he took us to the station manager’s office who then, with no need whatsoever for any kind of persuasion, (Think he could tell that by this stage I was not to be messed with!) booked us a taxi to take us to our final destination. The girls were beside themselves with excitement by this, honestly, you wouldn’t think they’d have ever been in a car before! It was admittedly lovely to sit down and for the first time feel like we were finally going to get there, but it did fleetingly occur to me that I was somewhere between home and nowhere in a car with my girls that really could have been taking us anywhere, so I kept up nervous chatter with the driver, hoping any thoughts he might be having of kidnapping us would disappear! Finally at 22.50hrs, 6 hrs after starting our 2 hour journey, we arrived, any thoughts for drowning in alcohol by now abandoned (partly because the onsite shop was now closed!), and crawled straight into bed to hide under the covers and sleep with all my girls mercifully still beside me and instantly forgiving of me for putting them through such an awful experience!!
Suffice to say, I won’t be getting a train again in a hurry and strangely my girls don’t seem to keen on the idea either…motorway driving it will jolly well have to be then…..!
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